While most are enjoying the holiday season, some of us are in the season of grief. The other day, I sat at the base of our Christmas tree removing ornaments from their boxes and preparing them to be placed on the boughs of the tree. My family and I were going through over 30 years of family ornaments when I found a special ornament that made me stop and reminisce. Every year we pick an ornament that we feel represented that year. The year for this ornament was an angel. A couple years ago, heaven gained an angel, our loved one, and Christmas has still been a little hard on us in all honesty.

Though some things may be different, some are still the same. While continuing forward after a loss, I have found that keeping some of the old traditions while incorporating new ones can make all of the difference. For those who have experienced a loss, they may understand the experience of having a flood of painful memories around the holidays. In order to deal with these memories and the sadness that follows, we still honor our loved one. We keep the new traditions that honor this loved one simple. For example: we still set a place for them at the Thanksgiving table and hang their stocking on the mantel. In some ways, it feels like they are still here celebrating the holidays with us. Instead of stuffing gifts in the stocking, I write letters to that person. I write memories. I write expressions of love. I write how much I miss them. Moving forward, especially during the holidays, can be extremely difficult after a loss and while in the midst of the grief. It’s important to do only as much, or as little, as
you feel you can. I know personally that time does help, but what defines time is different for all of us. I wish we could all be home for the holidays, but in the meanwhile, we shall write letters and set a place for our loved one at the table. As we sat there talking about Christmases of the years past, we enjoyed conversations of the good memories – the yummy strawberry waffles we ate every year as a family on Christmas Day morning, the cookies we baked together, the trips ice skating or seeing Santa Claus. We spoke of the good days, while decorating and remembered all of the good memories we shared with our loved one, our angel. In the words of Bing Crosby, “I’ll be home for Christmas, you can plan on me. Please have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree. Christmas Eve will find me where the love light gleams, I’ll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams.” Though our loved one may not be there, at home, in person, their memory is there still.

For anyone struggling this holiday season or is looking for extra support during a hard time please seek a nearby location for “Surviving the Holidays” at GriefShare.org.