CASUAL OBSERVER: Thank you, Superman, for taking the time for this interview. I know your time is precious.

SUPERMAN: Crime never takes a vacation.

CO: I’d like to clear up a few things if you don’t mind. Your disguise as Clark Kent. All you did was put on a pair of glasses. Even your hairstyle is the same. I find it hard to believe people couldn’t tell you apart.

SM: Well it worked didn’t it? Nobody ever saw through it.

CO: Did your glasses have lenses in them? Were they prescription?

SM: Yes. No. I don’t know.

CO: Are you really faster than a speeding bullet?

SM: Yes.

CO: So if we both stood at one end of a room and I shot off a bullet at the far wall, you could get there first?

SM: Yes.

CO: You used to change into your Superman costume in a phone booth. How did you get your Clark Kent suit back?

SM: I pinned a little note to the inside of the lapel: ‘If found, kindly return this suit to the Daily Planet c/o Clark Kent.’

CO: Didn’t the receptionist find this odd? It must have happened many times.

SM: If she did she never mentioned it to me.

CO: Well what about your Superman costume? How did it get cleaned? You couldn’t just drop it off at a dry cleaner or go to a laundromat.

SM: It is made of a very special material. I only needed to soak it in Woolite, rinse and let it drip dry. These questions seem to be rather stupid, to me. Why are you asking me these things?

CO: These questions have been on your fans’ minds for decades and if I may say so, I think your answers have been vague and evasive. I remember an episode where you crash through a very thick concrete wall in a room to rescue a hostage. You then proceed to get into a fist fight with the guy who was guarding them. Wouldn’t you think with your strength that a punch from you would crush the guy’s skull? Yet it did not after many blows.

SM: Some of these thugs have very thick skulls.

CO: Let’s take a look at your flying ability. In early shows you looked like you were hanging from wires. In later shows you ran towards the camera then leaped up out of the frame.

SM: I can fly. Wires were never used and I was too fast for cameras.

CO: Great. Why don’t you just fly around the room so I can verify it for our readers?

SM: I didn’t come here to do silly tricks. That’s enough! I’ve had it! You are by far the rudest person I ever met. Don’t expect another interview with me ever!

CO: One last thing, was Lois Lane named after a road?

SM: No, you must be confusing her with Perry Mason’s secretary, Della Street.