Volume 1 of this interview was published on April, 25, 2021 and can be viewed at www.henrycountytimes.com/2021/04/25/interview-with-a-cave-man-vol-1/

I returned in my friend’s time machine to prehistoric England and met up again with a ‘Cave Man’ named Zub.

CASUAL OBSERVER: “Hi Zub!”

ZUB: “Hi, Rob, where are the matches you promised? I have a bag of gold for you.”

CO: “Uh, well, you see Zub, I don’t think it is a good idea to interfere with your society’s natural course of progress.”

ZUB: “WhatEVER!”

CO: “So, what’s been going on since my last trip?”

ZUB: “Well, we’ve had very little rain this year and this winter is very mild so far. The local Elders say it’s climate change. The big news is that our neighbor Oss claimed he discovered how man can fly.”

CO: “Wow, and you don’t even have the wheel yet.”

ZUB: “Don’t keep rubbing it in, OK?”

CO: “OK, so tell me about the flying discovery.”

ZUB: “Well, Oss tied a bird to each arm and jumped off a cliff.”

CO: “And…?”

ZUB: “He died and the birds flew away.”

CO: “Did you actually expect it to work?”

ZUB: “Of course not. He should have used much larger birds.”

CO: “I don’t see any new artwork on the cave walls. Did your wife Zubi give up on painting?”

ZUB: “No, she paints the walls in other people’s caves and they pay her with meat. I don’t have to hunt anymore. We call it ‘Early Retirement.’”

CO: “What do you eat besides meat?”

ZUB: “My sons Zuba and Zubo gather wild nuts and berries. We also eat a lot of turtle eggs. The turtles bury them in the sand and we dig them up and eat them. You know, it’s odd, there are fewer and fewer turtles around here.”

CO: “Now that you are retired, what are you going to do with your time? Golf hasn’t been invented yet.”

ZUB: “I think I’ll explore new places.”

CO: “Great idea! How far will you travel?”

ZUB: “Well, obviously, not very far. I don’t want to fall off the edge of the Earth.”

CO: “I told you on my last visit that the Earth is round. You can’t fall off.”

ZUB: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”