I am not qualified to give advice, but should you take it, you do so at your own risk.

Q: My mailbox is out by the road. The person who delivers my mail never closes the mailbox door after she makes her delivery. She leaves it hanging open even if it’s raining. I had a word with her and she promised to close the door from then on. Never happened. What should I do?
A: You could wrap a bungie cord around the entire mailbox so the door always snaps shut or you can lie in the road and refuse to move until she closes the door like she promised. Those are your only two options.

Q: Whenever my mother goes shopping, she picks up a bag of grapes in the produce section and starts eating them while she shops. I told her that is stealing but she insists that she will pay for the grapes eventually and that it certainly is not stealing. Do you think she is going to get into trouble over this?
A: Yes. Assuming the bag of grapes is about one pound, eating less than ten grapes is really just petty theft. However, if she eats half the bag before she has them weighed at the register, then that’s Grand Larceny. And if she eats the whole bag and only has the vine weighed … well that’s a Felony.

Q: I drink beer all day long, from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep and I don’t care what you or anybody else has to say about it.
A: Sounds like your life is a gas!

Q: We only use 10% of our brain. If we worked harder to use 11%, that would make us 10% smarter than we are now. Shouldn’t that be a goal for all Mankind?
A: When you reach that first 10% write back to me.

Q: I have been meeting with a real Sasquatch over the past two years in a remote area of Oregon. He doesn’t speak to me so I can’t get any information about him. He won’t let me photograph him and he runs away. I don’t want to lose his trust but how can I prove he is real?
A. Offer him a free subscription to the National Enquirer. Have him fill out the subscription card with his name and address, then you will know where he lives.

Q: My driver’s license photo looked AWFUL. I couldn’t stand it and was embarrassed when I had to show it to anyone. So I took it to a local artist who used an airbrush and took care of wrinkles, double chin, pale skin and any other imperfections that bothered me. He did this directly on the license itself. The problem is I could not get on a flight from Atlanta because the TSA officer said I didn’t look anything like the photo on my ID. I must fly to an important meeting next week. Is there a way to solve this? I don’t want to get arrested for falsifying documents either. Please help.
A. OK. A few hours before your flight, go back to the same artist and have him airbrush your face to match the retouched photo on your driver’s license. (you will have do the same thing for your return trip).