It’s been awhile since we’ve checked in at Metamucil Manor … the senior adult neighborhood here in McDonough where I live amidst a lot of quirky, fun, and sometimes stubborn senior adults. As in previous stories, I’m always amazed at what they continue to come up with that is totally surprising.
For example, the Cul-de-sac party sister divas, the Misses Eunice and Clarice have decided to quarantine their entire cul-de-sac by putting cones and “We’re infected” tape at the entrance to their street. Number one, they are not infected; they just don’t want to be bothered. Secondly, Clarice is sitting in her Roll-a-tor© and beating cars with her cane if they try to leave or enter. Basically, it is a hostage situation. Meanwhile, Eunice is putting out fresh fruit with cottage cheese, lunch meats (including the favorite Liver Cheese) with Rye Bread and Sauerkraut, lemonade and sweet, SWEET tea for lunch for their little street with seven houses. The HOA and the City have tried to issue violations with no success. Those canes in the hands of two determined spinster sisters prove no match for them.
Meanwhile, President Ephert Tolliver is working hard to keep things calm. Several of the neighbors have begun digging “shelter in place” underground bunkers in their front yard (so they know when the mail comes). Quoting resident Maynard Goldfinch-Myers, “I don’t want no bunker in the back yard where I can’t see who’s out and about with my periscope.” Not only is President Tolliver trying to convince residents that the covenants prohibit digging and burying underground bunkers in the front yard is prohibited, but several are wanting to move in permanently.
Several houses have gone to Publix and bought lamb parts and spread the blood on their doorposts. They figure if it was good for the Israelites, then it is good for their safety today. The HOA Board of Directors just shake their heads and advise them of the approved colors for their doorposts, shutters, and garage doors.
Most of Metamucil Manor have been quietly staying behind their closed doors with stacks of books, Cheetos, chips, dips, Ovaltine, and tea. These are the good ones. The not-so-good ones are trying to knock on everyone’s door and greeting them (as any good, caring senior adult would do), “Oh, honey, you’re not looking so good.”
“Well, I was until YOU came … and don’t even try to pinch my cheek or give me a kiss.”
So far, we’re bearing up. I don’t know what the coming weeks will be like in Metamucil Manor. Every morning I see the little parades of neighbors in their electric scooters traversing the streets. I’m only worried that before long they are going to break through the front gates and head toward McDonough.
And for today, this is Jimmy reporting live from the lovely Metamucil Manor.
