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Fashion forward


Pam Ward

Humor Columnist

  Well kids, it looks like the seemingly relentless heat of the blessed summer that everyone but me loves so much may have passed us at last. Finally. *LOUD SIGH*  I must say I’m glad, not only because of the obvious drop in my Georgia Power usage, but it’s nearly time to break out my favorite articles of clothing,  Namely, HOODIES and BOOTS. Actually I purchased my first pair of boots for this season the other night at Wal-Mart. I was shopping with Anna and spotted them from four aisles away, what with their cute little furry pom-poms and variegated faux-crochet colored pattern. They will go with virtually EVERYTHING. Especially since most of what I wear is black.

  I’m living in that fantasy of the chubby, that wearing all black is slimming. Even though we all know that is crap. Still, not only does it give me a false since of security about my beauty, it makes it easy to match stuff if everything is black. And you can easily wear unmatched black socks and have no one be the wiser. Of course with boots that wouldn’t matter anyway I guess, which reminds me,  back to the boots… As you all know I try my hardest to go for comfort over fashion so most of my boots are really probably meant to be used around the house. Kind of like house shoes. Which are kind of like bedroom slippers. Exactly like bedroom slippers if I were honest with myself. Which I’m obviously not, since I will wear these multi-colored comfy wonders everywhere I go till their soft comfy soles get soaked from stepping in rain puddles or worn thin from going through the washer and dryer, whichever happens first. I fondly remember my red and black Hello Kitty booties from 2010. I wore them to the Lighting of the Great Tree in La’Grove on Thanksgiving night that year. Seriously, you may have seen me there and wondered, “are those really Hello Kitty boots she’s wearing?” And I can assure you, they were indeed. How I miss them. I’d purchased them at Ross for $12.99 that year, by the way.

  It was a hard decision to make, whether or not to purchase the booties. They were $14.99. I could have used that $14.99 to purchase enough toilet paper for at least a month,  

(depending on the brand) or a case of paper towels (or a couple rolls of Bounty, my dream paper product, which I plan to purchase exclusively when I make my first million. That’s right, no more Bounty Basic or Sparkle for me baby. Alas, I can dream.) I could have purchased a fairly good sized package of  boneless chicken breasts. Or a not-so-great looking rump roast. Or even five or six Stouffer’s frozen entrees in my favorite flavors. Still, I chose the booties. I can see them as we speak, hanging from their elastic string where I left them on my bedroom door knob. Waiting. Waiting till the first hint of frost, the first bite of really cool air, or when I see someone else in public wearing bedroom booties. Whichever comes first.


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