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Bad girl, bad girl,
whatcha gonna do?


Pam Ward

Humor Columnist

  So last night I watched an eight hour marathon of “Cops” and was reminded of a time when I almost could’ve starred in my own episode.  It may be hard to believe now, since I’m in granny mode at all times, especially in THE VAN, (hands at 10 and 2, cruising a cool, steady 45 to 50...) but not too long ago I was quite the speed demon. ONLY, however, if there was a good reason. Like always being late. To everything. In life… *SIGH* I remember being 30 and owning a little blue/green dodge Colt. I’d fly up and down I-75 in the left lane till I felt like I was approaching LIFTOFF. Those days are long gone now and I try to avoid the left lane. (All that speed is scawwey!) But I digress…

  Anyway, as I have mentioned at least 100 times, I used to be a proud 911 dispatcher for Henry County. It was while working as a dispatcher (and to make matters worse, I was the shift supervisor) that I learned my lesson on speeding in the city of ‘la Grove.

  Here’s the whole story in sordid detail…

  It was a hot summer afternoon as I was hurrying to work. Off I went in my little purple truck, heading northbound on highway 42, pedal to the metal, running late as usual. I had the AC on high, and the radio up. I was singing loudly along with Alanis Morrisette as she was reminding someone of the mess they left when they went away. I was singing fabulously that day and once again pondered trying out for American Idol. I was in THE ZONE, singing and hurrying, well outside the city limits. Actually I was already on the overhead bridge. Suddenly I glanced in my rear view and much to my chagrin saw blue lights flashing. Uh-oh. This couldn’t be good. I pulled over and turned down Alanis at which time I became aware that not only were blue lights on, a loud siren was as well.. Oopsss.. The LGPD officer (whom I will not name but who is still one of la’ Grove’s finest,) sat in his car a few minutes apparently trying to decide if I was a dangerous fugitive. After what seemed an eternity, I became aware that my name and other personal information were no doubt being put out over the airwaves for all my coworkers to hear. Oh goody. When he finally got to my window you can imagine his surprise (and maybe just a little disappointment) when he spotted my Emergency Communications uniform. After a stern talking to and a warning to TURN THE RADIO DOWN he decided not to “run me in” for fleeing and alluding and nearly causing a high-speed chase. That was good news.

  After my profuse thanks I was released and continued to work, where I promptly arrived ten minutes late. I slunk inside and hurriedly took my place amongst my co-workers who were all having a nice laugh. Just HI-larious. At least I didn’t get a ticket.



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